you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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