he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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