Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
