i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
