I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
