Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
