Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
