my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
