The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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