OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
