All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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