So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
