My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
