Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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