Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
