My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
try to milk me bitch
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