A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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