It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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