who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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