Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
