I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize