And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
