I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
