Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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