i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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