I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
