the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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