I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
