Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
