I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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