Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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