i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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