What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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