I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
