You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
