Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize