I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
