thus making me awesome and them whores
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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