Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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