I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me