Quick, to the slutcave!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.