after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...