it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT