Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
