so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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