I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
