In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
