Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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