My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
