My liver just broke up with me...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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