I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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