I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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