Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
