I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got inside last night via doggy door
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
