Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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