I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
