she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His hands were made for my vagina.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
