the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
