u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
