I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
