I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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