I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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