im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
