I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i drank out of a bidet.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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