so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
