who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
