I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
