Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
