you guys were way drunker than both of me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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