I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
