Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
