3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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