I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
