Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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