im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
