I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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