my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
