I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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