How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize