just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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