He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
