I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
