god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
